


Sunflowers and Grave Stones

by floofy_trashmates



Series: Kiss with a Fist [5]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-21 23:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2485583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floofy_trashmates/pseuds/floofy_trashmates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even visits his mother's grave after missing more than ten years of such visits. Marluxia accompanies him and general angst ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunflowers and Grave Stones

**Author's Note:**

> Blue and I were chatting on Skype, and we went from cute fluff to angst in .0000001 of a second. This is the result, with a few things specific to our headcanon. Marluxia still goes by the Nobody name in this one.

Somewhere during his apprenticeship under Ansem the Wise, Even had stopped visiting her grave. It hadn't made the grief any easier, and as the years had passed, he had slowly walled away the grief until it was replaced by a dull ache.

When he lost his heart, there was no emotion driving him to visit. It would have felt like an insult to do so, without the ability to feel even a twinge.

\----

He had procrastinated long enough, but no entirely on purpose. There had been plenty to do after reawakening in the labs. Sorting through Ansem's office, tidying the labs and reclaiming them, assisting at the clinic... Yes, plenty of work to be done, then Marluxia had appeared and effectively derailed every plan to remain celibate and cranky until death ~~not that Even was complaining about _that_ particular development~~. It seemed the work never ended; that, and Even threw himself back into his own work as soon as he was able to stand without passing out, and concentrate for more than five minutes at a time. Collapsing in the kitchen still happened from time to time, but he blamed that on cooking fumes more often than not.

It hadn't occurred to him at first. No, Even had enjoyed waking up before Marluxia, as he usually did. He was used to early mornings (or 'late nights' in the instances he hadn't bothered sleeping) but it never failed to relax him waking up in someone's arms. ... even when that someone had their face buried in his hair and was somehow tangled around his own body. That can't have been comfortable, but it had him laughing all the same. He managed to disentangle himself with minimal trouble, glancing over a shoulder to make sure Marluxia was still asleep - he was, face now buried in Even's pillow - before finding clean clothes for the day.

Somewhere around the top button of his shirt, arms slid around his waist and he was torn between sighing and chuckling.

"You should have woken me," Marluxia murmured, resting his forehead on the blonde's shoulder. "You aren't sneaking into the lab again, are you?"

"Not this time," Even assured him, turning his head, though he could only see the top of pink hair. "I have... somewhere I need to go. You can go back to sleep."

"What if I don't want to?" Marluxia pressed against him, arms tightening. "Come back to bed. It's not even six a.m. yet."

"Marluxia." Even tugged his arms loose and turned, frowning down at him. "I can't." Should he tell him? _Could_ he? "... It... My mother. Her grave. I have to --"

"Shh." Marluxia reached up to kiss him lightly. "Give me ten minutes. If I can't meet her, I can at least pay my respects to her. Très bien?"

\--

It was surprising that Marluxia wanted to accompany him. Even was only going to a stone, and he was only going to stare at it. He had never cried, not once, not even at the funeral itself. Expressing emotions had never come easily to him, only expressing anger or frustration. Everything else... Oh, he had seen others express it, but never been able to do the same. Grief showed in other ways for him. 

Anyone that knew him knew that buying flowers was also strange, but Marluxia didn't comment except to point out the freshest sunflowers. 

The cemetery was a small place, tucked away behind the only chapel in Radiant Garden, but it had always been well-maintained. It had avoided the worst of the damage when the Heartless had attacked - small wonder, when there were no hearts here and no darkness to attract the creatures - but now there were quite a few more grave markers in the space. One, Even was disturbed to see, was that of a child that had only been five when he had died in the attack. It wasn't the only child either.

Marluxia, seeing his expression, gently tugged him away. "It's in the past."

"Doesn't change the fact that they're dead," Even mumbled. Dead, because he and the others had been too wrapped up in the experiments to remember there were _human lives_ involved. "... we did that, you realise. Myself and the other apprentices."

"I am more inclined to blame Xemnas than the rest of you, based on what you've told me and what I've learned."

Even acknowledged that with a vague hum, letting go of Marluxia's hand so he could brush aside some low-hanging branches of the nearby tree. "Over here, by the pond." He tossed in some crumbs for the fish, sweeping aside the bottom of his coat and sitting on the cleared patch of ground.  Gloved fingers brushed along the inscribed letters as he sighed softly. "Nearly twenty-two years to the day." What did normal people do at graves? Scream? Cry? Roll on the ground and make a mess of themselves? He had seen all of this but it had always seemed... excessive, far too dramatic. Even's grief was silent, always had been. He had always internalised his emotions, what little of them he had felt.

Marluxia hummed, sitting beside Even and leaning his head on the scientist's shoulder. "She must have been something." His voice, too, was quiet. "'Liana Marian Sinclair, beloved wife of William Sinclair and mother to Even Sinclair. Recquisat in Pace'."

"The 'beloved wife' part was a lie," Even mumbled. "William left not long after I was born. Something about always being jealous of every man that even looked at her, and he couldn't handle it." It had seemed far too convenient, that he had left so close to Even's birth. He had never made an attempt to find his father and what little he had learned from his mother, the man was likely dead now. "... she was something. That much is true.

"Do you look like her?"

"Yes." Even sighed. "I'll try and find the photos for you. ... I look like her, but I have my grandmother's eyes. My mother's were brown."

"... do you want to leave? Do you want me to give you some time alone or...?"

"... you can stay," Even replied after a moment. "I'm used to sitting here alone. I probably won't say much." Sometimes he spoke, other times he didn't, it depended on his mood and if there was anything worth telling. He wasn't surprised that Marluxia settled against his side and closed his eyes. It was unsettling the way the Assassin could relax so quickly in a graveyard but then, he had always had his eccentricities.  


Marluxia shifted at one stage, leaning forward to trace his fingers over the letters on the stone. "Do you still miss her?" 

Even frowned. "Not all of the time. It's... the small things. Moments where I forget and think I'll have to get something for her, or tell her something. Then I remember." His eyes followed the path of Marluxia's fingers. "... she had Alzheimer's. It... It progressed quickly. She was dead five years after the diagnosis. ... she didn't remember me at the end. She..." He swallowed hard. "She said I reminded her of her son."

Marluxia remained silent, but sat back and took Even's hand, wincing a bit at the tight grip but not letting go. "She was... lucky, I think. To have you."

Even only offered a vague hum of acknowledgement. Never had he cried, so why were his eyes stinging? "I suppose so. It wasn't as if there was anyone else to look after her. My grandparents died before I was born, and I don't have any other family in Radiant Garden. ... I was all she had." He sighed, standing and settling his coat back into place. He took the flowers from Marluxia and placed them in front of the grave marker, brows furrowed. "Do you mind...?"

"Of course not." Marluxia stood too and kissed his cheek. "I'll be close if you need me."

"I know."

\--

When Marluxia left him in privacy, the sunflowers had been coated in a thin layer of ice to preserve them, then Even had rested his fingers on the top of the stone. "I know I don't come here as often as I used to. There's not really an excuse so I'll spare you that. I didn't visit for a while. Things got... messy. A lot happened that I know you wouldn't have approved of. You know I was never good at apologies. You deserve a lot more than this sad little monologue but it's the best I can do, LiLi."

He glanced over his shoulder, seeing Marluxia leaning against the trunk of a nearby tree, watching. "... You were right, about the flowers," Even continued. "Though the colour was off. Pink, not purple. Oleanders. You thought it was cherry blossoms, remember?... look at me, talking to an inanimate stone. There's nothing here and yet I still visit. I scattered your ashes on the mountain, the one you always used to point out to me in the summer."

Even swallowed again, rubbing at the corner of his eye. "I can't stay too much longer today. I might not be able to visit every year like I used to, but... All I can promise is to visit as much as I can. We're helping to restore the garden. ... I'll try and convince them them to plant sunflowers by the fountain for you. I probably won't tell them why. I'll say I like the smell of them." Anything but admitting the real reason. "I..." He trailed off, rubbing at his eye again. Stinging. Why was it _stinging_? 

It was unspoken knowledge that Even did not cry. Not when he was stressed, not when he was in pain and certainly not when he was grieving. Could grief still happen after so long? He didn't know. He had never felt it important enough to research. 

But then, he had never been all that normal before regaining his heart and having Marluxia ambush his life, heart intact and... and _resonating_. 

When Even fell to his knees, Marluxia was there in an instant, arms around his shoulders. "Come, we should --"

"I _hate you_ ," Even mumbled, wiping at his eyes. "I hate you sometimes. I never cried in my _life_ \--"

"What?" Marluxia frowned, confused, gently turning Even to face him, brushing the stray tears with his thumbs. "Shh, you're allowed to cry. It's natural. It's human."

"That's the _point_ ," Even protested. "I didn't even cry at her _funeral_ , I just -- I _stood there_ and everyone wondered if I could feel anything at all. _I_ wondered. Damn you, you _made me human_."

"... you are so infuriating," Marluxia replied with a soft sigh, guiding Even's head to his shoulder, stroking his hair. "It isn't bad to feel. It isn't bad to _show_ that you're feeling. We can stay here as long as you need to." While Even was buried safely in his arms, the Assassin, focused his power and small sprouts bloomed from the ground, surrounding the gravestone in bright blossoms and soft, fresh grass. "We can stay, Even. We can stay as long as you need to."

"I hate you," came the mumbled reply, then, much softer, "but I love you too."


End file.
